No title.

You know how they say chocolate lifts your spirits, makes you feel happy, etc? Well, I'm having my doubts. Six Snickers bars down, and no spirits soaring here!

I realised I may not like change too much. Nothing's going right and all I want to do is wallow. I see why people like to wallow. Doesn't sound like the best decision, but I have a theory (like for everything else I say). Sometimes, if you are strong/smart enough, wallowing a little after you've had a day like mine can do you good. It sucks, but it still kind of gives you time to sort things out for urself and realise things you forgot to, because you were too busy living life. See?
My only other otpion is to go out and try to take my mind off things. But that's pretty much impossible. Because if I go out now, I'd be bogged down by other people's questions along with my own and I'd only be runnning from my problems or even worse, giving up. But on the other hand, if I do wallow for a while, may be I will get a grip at some point and actually DO something about the situations that CAN be helped. May be.

But then again, things might not be so bad. I had the nicest conversation with a friend I haven't spoken to in a very long time (let's call him Doritos). At times like these, you can't really help but make sense. This comes at the 2nd stage, where you are out of the shock and things are getting a little clearer to you. There may be no silver lining, but there is some light nonetheless. So when you suddenly start talking sense and sounding "profound", so to speak, people know something's wrong. They ask questions. Suddenly, everyone seems concerned. People you haven't heard from in years are asking you questions, saying they're sorry and giving you their best advice. It's kind of nice sometimes, as long as these "friends" don't interfere more than needed. The thought of someone even thinking of helping you through a rough patch, is nice. But this is the point, when your cynical self peeks out and wonders a little too loudly, whether it is concern or curiosity. But then, unless I hate the person so much that I want to claw their insides out, I would normally think it's the basic niceness that's in people. But then there are some friends like (let's call her Curry), who seem to go off on a tangent more easily than me. Curry is a good friend. She asks me what's wrong and I tell her. I don't know whether it's in hope of consolation or simply because I was asked. But I tell her nonetheless and she takes off about how she worries about things. What if her shit ends like mine! I mean, that's kind of rude now. I'm no one to judge, but things surely can't be worse in Curry's case? But hey, that's how people are. They suck, sometimes.

I was pondering the thought and I decided to share it with Doritos. And that's when we started discussing 9th grade literature that we both loved so much, that was taught to us by a man we respect more than any teacher. Actually, this is more of Philosophy. Remember Stoicism? Okay, for the ignorant, here's what it is in it's simplest explanation: In Julius Caesar, there is Anthony and there is Brutus. Anthony is what is known as an Epicurean. A man, who believes in living life to the fullest and that a fear of any supernatural power is only superstition, that diminishes his enjoyment of life. Nature runs the universe and therefore, man has free will and the sole responsibiliy of his actions.

An appealing thought, isn't it?

But then there is Brutus, a staunch Stoic. A man, who believes that the universe is controlled by God and humans are the only creatures with the power of reason. Therefore, reason is the ultimate link with the mind of God. Passion, is the biggest enemy of reason and rationality, being a hindrance to virute. And therefore, reason must dominate over passion.

Now, this is not the most convincing philosophy, simply because of its deterministic nature. But, its emphasis on reason and rationality is respectable. SO, the conclusion is that you need to strike balance. Be an Epicurean in your good times and a Stoic in your bad, and voila! You have a happy person! Because if you don't SEE the damn holes, you want to keep sailing the freakin' happy boat.

Cheers.
Written on 8/5/09