On 19th June 2009

I had loved you,
when I saw you smiling into the rear-view mirror
While you saw patterns in strewn match sticks,
I saw a photograph in your face.

I had loved you,
when we sat on the side of the road talking,
taking in the city sunset behind crowded flyovers.
I watched you get excited about a pile of stones, smiled.


I had loved you,
when we sat together in mundane coffee shops
waiting for the waiter to turn away, so we can slip in a kiss.
We smiled as we left and held hands till the parking lot.


I had loved you,
when your nails were dirty
and your knuckles a little sore,
I still have that sketch - cigarette ash on paper.

I had loved you,
when we lay on the floor and spoke about my insecurities.
You told me I was a writer.
I believed you.


I had loved you,
when you told me you loved me
amidst tears and smoke and an old geyser.
They probably heard us, but we didn’t care.


I had loved you,
when I stood out my door and hugged you everyday,
like it was our last.
I watched you ride away and resisted calling you back.


I had loved you,
when you tried to jive
and looked like a fool, a fool that made me smile.
That white shirt always made me smile.


I had loved you,
when we sat listening to music
and sipping Earl Grey, smoke leaking
from our kissed-red lips.


I had loved you,
when you held the guitar like a woman
and gave her all your love.
I wanted to be her, to own and be owned.


I had loved you,
when you painted and sketched
and wrote something new.
I told you I loved it, even if it missed an apostrophe.


I had loved you,
when we leaped into the sea
with the smell of waves and the sound of pot.
Laughing like children, dirtied with sand and salty water.

I had loved you,
when you laughed like a child,
loved like a man and
smiled like a saint.

I had loved us, darling.
We were the loneliness in a crowded bar,
that buzz between drink and drunk. 

Written on: 19th June 2009 ofcourse